#d

I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I . . .must . . . not . . . look . . . like . . . a . . . baboon’s . . . backside. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#detention #gregory-goyle #humor #punishment #ron-weasley

Almost everything strange washes up near Miami. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #miami #strange #humor

If we're going to the Silent City, you might want to get dressed. I mean, I appreciate the bra-and-panties look, but I don't know if the Silent Brothers will. There are only a few of the left, and I don't want them to die of excitement. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood #humor

So I hear we get to go to town this weekend. Want to catch a movie or something? --Z P.S. That is, if Jimmy doesn't mind. Translation: This weekend might be a good chance for us to see each other outside our school in a social environment, free of competetiton. I do not view other boys as threats, and I enjoy making them seem insignificant by calling them the wrong names. (Translation by Macey McHenry) ↗

— Ally Carter

#gallgher-girls #humor #laugh-out-loud #zach #humor

If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flower #flowers #humor #sadness #wilt

As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#doughnut #gluttony #humor #jace-wayland #humor

I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless) Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church." Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough." Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still) Max: "No, you're visible." Iggy: "Am not!" Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you? ↗

— James Patterson

#gazzy #humor #iggy #invisibility #max

You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#luna-lovegood #humor

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. ↗

— Robin P. Williams

#drugs #humor #reality #humor

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy." Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things." But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror." I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?" Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#horror-movies #humor #killers #stupidity #humor