#de

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first ↗

— S.A. Bodeen

#s-a-bodeen #the-compound #wit #funny

she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#suicide #funny

Harley-Davidson," she said. "Sweet. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#harley-davidson #lisbeth-salander #funny

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #max #popcorn #ride #funny

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #code-word #cookie #cookies #funny

Speaking of… does this mean you get your phone back?” I shrug. “I don’t really want that phone back. I’m hoping my whipped boyfriend will get me an iPhone for Christmas. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#dean-holder #funny #hopeless #iphone #sky-and-dean

Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#awkward #funny #maureen-johnson #shades-of-london #funny

Gliding down the bike path on a Saturday morning, you whip by somebody peddling in the opposite direction and give each other a nod. For a moment it's like "Hey, we're both doing the same thing. Let's be friends for a second. ↗

— Neil Pasricha

#funny #like-mindedness #funny

What I love about the sculpture is that it makes the bones that we are always walking and playing on manifest, like in a world that so often denies the reality of death and the reality that we are surrounded by and outnumbered by the dead. Here, is a very playful way of acknowledging that and acknowledging that and that always, whenever we play, whenever we live, we are living in both literal and metaphorical ways on the memory and bones of the dead. ↗

— John Green

#death #funky-bones #tfios #the-fault-in-our-stars #art