#de

I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#boston-marathon #commas #funny #gatorade #humor

I’ll make Goyle do lines, it’ll kill him, he hates writing,” said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle’s low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. “I . . .must . . . not . . . look . . . like . . . a . . . baboon’s . . . backside. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#detention #gregory-goyle #humor #punishment #ron-weasley

If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flower #flowers #humor #sadness #wilt

I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless) Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church." Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough." Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still) Max: "No, you're visible." Iggy: "Am not!" Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you? ↗

— James Patterson

#gazzy #humor #iggy #invisibility #max

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing-- turn your toes out when you walk--- And remember who you are! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#alice-in-wonderland #french #humor #lewis-carroll #remember

When you choose a man who thinks eight seconds is a long time, perhaps you need two of them. Hmm? ↗

— Cat Johnson

#humor #rodeo #romance #humor

Don't call me a dinosaur. It isn't fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you? ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

Ha-ha! Ah-hahahaha! I am wizard; hear me roar! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Honey, I liked the Harry Potter movies, too, but that doesn’t mean I ran out and got a Dark Mark tattooed onto my left forearm like you did. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?" I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #molly-carpenter #humor