#detective

I took my .38 out and looked to see that there were bullets in all the proper places. I knew there would be, but it did no harm to be careful. And I'd seen Clint Eastwood do it once in the movies. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#detectives #guns #humor #irony #machos

It is fortunate for this community that I am not a criminal. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#criminals #detectives #intellect #london #sherlock-holmes

I may not carry a detective’s badge, but I’m certainly the highest ranking member of Albatross Harbor’s neighborhood watch program. And like tilapia, I know something smells fishy when I taste it. In my neighborhood, nobody can take a shit in their own backyard without me knowing about it. I’m like Spencer Tracy mixed with Miss Marple, with a little maple syrup on top. I am the pancake that’s served and protects, without the financial or emotional support of the community at large. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

How about the wrong crowd," I said. "You getting in with them?" "Not much luck," Paul said. "I'm trying like hell, but the wrong crowd doesn't seem to want me." "Don't quit," I said. "You want something, you go after it. I was nearly thirty-five before I could get in with wrong crowd. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #spenser #humor

I don't take much stock of detectives in novels - chaps that do things and never let you see how they do them. That's just inspiration: not business. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#chaps #detective-novels #inspector-alec-mandonald #inspiration #business

Of all the ways to murder someone, slowly, over the course of about 75 years or so, is the best way to not get caught. Nobody, not even Sherlock Holmes, would suspect a thing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#detective #murder #sherlock-holmes #suspicion #death

You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated." "I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #humour #violated #funny

Terrible accident; body parts was everywhere—-fingers, toes, wings, beaks. Ambulance people tried to scoop him all up, but apparently it ain’t so easy as you might think—telling a chicken from a Chinaman, I mean. Anyways, they got his weight off his driver’s license, picked up a hundred and thirty pounds of pieces and buried ‘em. Now his wife come every year 'bout this time to pay her respects. We don't serve chicken while she's here. Hope you ain't got a taste for it. ↗

— R.J. Leahy

#fat-chance #humor #mystery #respect

I think these days an SF connection would be a boost to other books; I'm sure more people have read my two little detective puzzles because of the SF connection. ↗

— John Sladek

#books #boost #connection #days #detective

If I'm home with no chore at hand, and a package of books has come, the television set and the chess board and the unanswered mail will have to manage without me if one of the books is a detective story. ↗

— Rex Stout

#books #chess #chore #come #detective