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Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗


— Rick Riordan


#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone. "I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body. "But it's solid oak." "I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment. "You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that? ↗


— C.C. Hunter


#funny #kylie #shadow-falls #funny

Writing, basically breaks down to relationships between people and that is what you write about. ↗


— Leon Uris


#basically #between #breaks #down #people

So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?” “Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.” “He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes. “Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you! ↗


— J.K. Rowling


#fudge #funny #mcgonagall #third-person #funny

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. ↗


— Mark Rosen


#funny #future #funny

If you don't want me to be in love with you, you're going to have looking so lovely. First thing tomorrow, I'm having your maids sewing potato sacks to gether for you. ↗


— Kiera Cass


#maxon #most-adorably-sweet-quotes-ever #funny

In the Old Language, she hissed, “If any harm shall befall him, I will come after you, and find you where you sleep. I do not care where you lay your head or who with, my vengeance shall rain upon you until you drown.” That last word was drawn out, until its syllable was lost in more growling. Dead silence. Until Doc Jane said dryly, “Annnnd this is why they say the female of the species is more dangerous than the male. ↗


— J.R. Ward


#funny #layla #qhuinn #funny

An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).
 ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#cream-cheese #donkey #ice-sculpture #nonsensical #open

If London is a watercolor, New York is an oil painting. ↗


— Peter Shaffer


#new #new york #oil #painting #watercolor

Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain. ↗


— Kyousuke Motomi


#humor #funny






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