#dr

I want to start introducing myself as Elton Mangellica. The name occurred to me while I was daydreaming at 85 MPH. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #humor

Don’t take drugs. Asking politely promotes healthy stereotypes. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

When life gives you lemons...throw the lemons at people..it's hilarious! ↗

— Jayce O'Neal

#humor #jayce #jayceoneal #humor

Her chin lifted. "Very well. Here is my best offer. Half of my nakedness for all of yours." He pretended to think on it. " It's a bargain. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#humor #romance #undressing #humor

What about the whiskey?" Jack said as they ran. "Won't it keep them out?" The Green Maidens don't drink anything but blood." Bob's disembodied voice floated after them. "The whiskey magick won't affect them." Wonderful," the old actor muttered, a tremor of fear in his voice. "I should've poured a Bloody Mary. ↗

— Lesley Livingston

#drinks #faeries #humor #humor

There's my baby!" I cried, quite carried away, "There's my poochiekins!" ... "Sadie," My dad said firmly, "Please do not refer to the devourer of souls as 'poochiekins'. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#children-s #humor #mythology #serpent-in-the-shadows #humor

I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cats #drive #drunk #humor #road-trip

and, unlike the celebrated herd in the poem, they were not forty children conducting themselves as one, but every child was conducting itself like forty. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #humor

There is a tiger in my room,' said Frances. 'Did he bite you?' said Father. 'No,' said Frances. 'Did he scratch you?' said Mother. 'No,' said Frances. 'Then he is a friendly tiger,' said Father. 'He will not hurt you. Go back to sleep. ↗

— Russell Hoban

#children-s-literature #humor #stalling #tigers #humor

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#cheerfulness #humor #merriment #optimism #pleasantness