#ed

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#color #concerned #end #final #final word

Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-" Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails. "I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!" "I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind. "Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #jason-grace #humor

The country needs someone with experience and determination to make tough decisions. All the money aside, it is important that Greece restore its reputation. ↗

— Evangelos Venizelos

#country #decisions #determination #experience #greece

Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You finally take it home and it wants to keep you up all night and cries when it isn’t sucking on various parts of your anatomy. It wants you there for everything – rocking, feeding, burping, changing... It’s ridiculous. If I wanted a kid I would have one. Until then, grow the hell up and stand on your own two feet, you little crazy. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#drunk #humor #needy #relationships #change

Victor patted my hand. 'I like you, Sky. You're a fighter.' 'I am, aren't I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I'm a Rottweiler -with a temper.' 'A very small Rottweiler,' said Zed, still not convinced. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#make-a-point #sky #zed #humor

Penguins,Lovely ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor #twilight #humor

After a long silence, Dodge cleared his throat. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'Huh?'" -Dodge(obviously) ↗

— Frank Beddor

#cleared #confused #dodge #frank #glass

I thought you said you were the one in charge!" Ce'Nedra exclaimed. I lied." Silk said. "It's a vice I have. ↗

— David Eddings

#humor #prince-kheldar #silk #humor

I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, "If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#education #hurt #writers-on-writing #art

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you Saying, 'Damn. We fucked up. ↗

— Cheyenne McCray

#demons-not-included #humor #humor