#er

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#control-freaks #control-issues #cynic #cynical #cynical-humor

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly." "And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#gwen #humor #intellect #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#comedy #humor #humor

Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#fighting #frank-sinatra #humor #police #humor

It is simple impertinence for any man, or any body of men, to begin, or to contemplate, reform of the whole world. ↗

— Mahatma Gandhi

#men

I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world." "I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#lilith #monsters #rebellion #teenagers #humor

I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#philandering #truth #humor

So this was where lust was satisfied. If I'd been an old-time miner I'd have asked for my gold nugget back. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#brothels #disappointment #humor #humor

It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. ↗

— John Connolly

#children #humorous #humor