#go

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#country #die #fight #get #go

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#anything #children #even #feels #friends

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#cosmetic #doctor #full #going #i

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#around #before #business #country #get

I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.' ↗

— Rita Rudner

#beach #broadway #companies #did #finally

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#body #disappeared #every #every time #gotten

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#feel #feel good #good #i #joke

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ↗

— Maya Rudolph

#choice #comedian #funny #funny movie #goal

To grow up with the loss of your mother is a scar that never goes away. ↗

— Maya Rudolph

#goes #grow #grow up #loss #mother

You don't want to be the first person to tell your 5-year-old, like, 'You're going to have a life filled with disappointments and letdowns - enjoy!' ↗

— Maya Rudolph

#disappointments #enjoy #filled #first #going