#h

I gave the Rayna back the phone and shook my head. "Ben and I are like brother and sister. That's gross." "Hey, I read Flowers in the Attic. It was kind of hot. ↗

— Hilary Duff

#humor

Hi, this is Ganymede, cup-bearer to Zeus, and when I'm out buying wine for the Lord of the Skies, I always buckle up! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#greek #humor #mythology #public-service-announcement #safety

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#insanity #turnip #humor

Most humans were on one big island, to the fairies, and that island was adrift on a sea called I Totally Don’t Care. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor

Cery: So, Hem, tell me why I shouldn't see how many holes I need to make before you start leaking money? ↗

— Trudi Canavan

#fiction #humor #magic #humor

Hell hath no fury like a coolly received postmodernist. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#postmodernism #humor

Beethoven can write music, thank God - but he can do nothing else on earth. ↗

— Ludwig van Beethoven

#music #humor

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#life #sublime #humor

What New England is, is a state of mind, a place where dry humor and perpetual disappointment blend to produce an ironic pessimism that folks from away find most perplexing ↗

— Willem Lange

#dry-humor #humor #new-england #perplexing #pessimism

I'm not racist, I've got a black president ↗

— Dane Cook

#humor #humor