#h

It had taken him by surprise when the bride had asked him. Why would she want him in her wedding? And that’s exactly what he’d asked her. She’d smiled up at him, those big, brown wild dog eyes of hers making him feel all protective of her, and then she’d told him, “Because, dude, you’re our karaoke king, and we worship at your altar. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #humor

As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms." "Eh?" "Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Aren't fairy godmothers supposed to be nice and make you feel better about yourself? ...No, you're confusing fairy godmothers with sales clerks. ↗

— Janette Rallison

#humor #self-esteem #humor

A certain man once lost a diamond cuff-link in the wide blue sea, and twenty years later, on the exact day, a Friday apparently, he was eating a large fish - but there was no diamond inside. That’s what I like about coincidence. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#humor #insightful #humor

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in. ↗

— Janeane Garofalo

#humor #individuality #taste #humor

I had a standing agreement with god. I'd agree to believe in him, barely, so long as he let me sleep in on Sundays. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#beliefs #god #humor #humor

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner! ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor #inappropriate-remarks #offensive-remarks #humor

There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that don't exist in Asia. ↗

— Amy Chua

#humor

Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

You're Giving me a...stick" MaryL to a very dangerious vampire ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor #humor