#hea

I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #karate #funny

They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #funny #hear #spanish #talking

I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lipstick #love #thesis #funny

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect. ↗

— Bauvard

#heartbreak #humor #love #funny

My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheap #christmas #funny #knowledge #funny

I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #relationships #retaliation #revenge

To recognize one's own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence. ↗

— Eckhart Tolle

#insanity #sanity #transcendence #life

Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#funny #goose-egg #heartache #life-lessons #funny

I make money using my brains and lose money listening to my heart. But in the long run my books balance pretty well. ↗

— Kate Seredy

#books #brains #heart #i #listening

The payment made by a manufacturer to a patentee for the privilege of using the patent process, is usually termed, in commercial language, a rent; and under the same head must be ranked all extraordinary qualities of body and mind. ↗

— Nassau William Senior

#commercial #extraordinary #head #language #made