#hee

I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fat #funny #pants #tuna-fish #funny

At that point in time, there were three things in life that I knew for certain: (1) I was a girl who’d never met a site she couldn’t hack or a code she couldn’t break, (2) I had a roundhouse that could put a grown man in the hospital, and (3) I would without question chop off my own hands before I’d come within five feet of a pom-pom ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#funny #funny

You tell your brother he's gonna pay for that car in silver. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#funny #revenge #werewolf #funny

I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #blush #communist-manifesto #e-l-james

This quote will self-destruct in....4....3....2...1...Just kidding...Or am I? ↗

— Craig Benzine

#humor #wheezy-waiter #wheezywaiter #youtube #youtuber

...‘All this suffering,’ I said, ‘and nothing but greed and violence to build on when the war is over.’ ‘Have another soda-mint,’ said Charles. I had one. Then I said, ‘Why are we here? That’s what I don’t understand. Why be here at all when it all has to be so beastly?’ ‘I suppose we just came, like mould on cheese.’ ‘Then why do we want to be happy? Mould on cheese doesn’t want to be happy.’ ... ↗

— Joyce Dennys

#meaning-of-life #home

Burn you, Nerim, that's a leg not a bloody side of beef!' 'As my lord says,' Nerim murmured. 'My lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my lord, for instructing me. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor #jordan #mat #nerim #rand

Obviously it takes eight brains to come to one decision in this crowd. Good thing they have one another. ↗

— Mari Mancusi

#humor #humor

She had wailed loudly enough to wake the dead and make them call the cops. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate-daniels #humor

People will ask you the question 'how is life treating you?' But my question is 'how are you treating life?' On that your happiness rests ↗

— Rasheed Ogunlaru

#flow #happiness #happyness #inner-peace #questioning