#hen

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#buy #everything #good #i #i am

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#day #forward #i #looking #looking forward

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#average #average person #dead #grateful #grateful dead

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#finish #fit #get #go #good

Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#definitely #draw #drawings #drew #grade

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#apart #argue #car #different #driving

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#because #fun #funny #go #i

When the tempest rages, when the thunders roar, and the lightnings blaze around us it is then that the truly brave man stands firm at his post. ↗

— Luther Martin

#blaze #brave #brave man #firm #his

No matter what your religion, you should try to become a government program, for then you will have everlasting life. ↗

— Lynn Martin

#everlasting #government #government program #life #matter

If we do not step forward, then we step back. If we do not protect a right, then we deny it. ↗

— Paul Martin

#deny #forward #protect #right #step