#her

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' ↗

— Steven Wright

#baby #beach #day #doing #go

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ↗

— Steven Wright

#making #penny #put #someone #somewhere

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. ↗

— Steven Wright

#here #i #map #over #over it

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#put #where #would #you

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. ↗

— Steven Wright

#claus #got #missing #moved #now

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. ↗

— Steven Wright

#factory #fire #hydrant #i #near

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. ↗

— Steven Wright

#future #i #off #only #peripheral

Hermits have no peer pressure. ↗

— Steven Wright

#peer #peer pressure #pressure

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #me #other #uh

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? ↗

— Steven Wright

#just #me #weird