#hr

Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. --Being the Journal of Abby Normal ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

The Reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what is right. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#christianity #humor #protestantism #reformation #religion

I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, 'Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance free this evening? ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#humor #romance #teen #humor

All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?” “I languish in sin,” I replied in the same tone. “I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#dark #humor #michael #sarcasm #humor

Why are there so many people out here?' Boomer asked as we bobbed and weaved roughly forward. 'Christmas shopping.' I explained. 'Already? Isn't it early to returning things?' I really had no sense of how his mind worked. ↗

— David Levithan

#christmas-shopping #dash #humor #lol #no-sense

The scientific method is nothing more than a system of rules to keep us from lying to each other. ↗

— Ken Norris

#fluke #humor #science #humor

Young girls and mass murders are tender hearted creatures ↗

— Pierre Lemaitre

#mass-murder #thriller #humor

So there’s this guy named Murphy and he has this law. I hate him. ↗

— Christy Trujillo

#humor #true-north #humor

I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.  ↗