#hum

No, you're wrong. I'm a hundred percent callow and deeply shallow. ↗

— Stephen Schwartz

#musical #wicked #humor

Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#sarcasm #humor

When you stick a song on a tape, you set it free. ↗

— Rob Sheffield

#music #humor

Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists? ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#latin #humor

We assured Phelan that we were more than happy to let him have you and your menagerie,” Leo retorted. “After that, he said he needed to think.” “About what?” Beatrix demanded. “What is there to think about? Why is it taking him so long to make a decision?” “He’s a man, dear,” Amelia explained kindly. “Sustained thinking is very difficult for them. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #men #thinking #humor

The rest of us can find happiness in misery. ↗

— Fall Out Boy

#humor

Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day. ↗

— Betty Dravis

#wit #humor

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake. ↗

— Derek Landy

#crossword-puzzles #humor #humorous #laziness #retirement

And that's when it fell off in my hand ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

I like your boyfriend," Dahra said. "Not many guys volunteer to carry ten gallons of diarrhea and vomit." Lana laughed. "He's not my boyfriend." "Yeah, well, he can be mine if he wants to be. He's cute. And he carries crap. ↗

— Michael Grant

#gone #humor #michael-grant #plague #humor