#hum

Oh dear. I have just seen Angus hunkering down in the long grass. He's stalking their poodle. I'll have to intervene to avert a massacre. Oh, it's OK, Mrs. Next Door has thrown a brick at him. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Just roll me in fairy dust and call me a unicorn. ↗

— Lita Burke

#fairy #humor #steampunk #unicorn #wizard

That’s why our TVs are brimming with so much hot man-on-pan action. You can’t channel surf for long without seeing turkey getting stuffed over and over until they finally cut to the gravy shot. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor

It's a crime to be that hot and yet, that evil. ↗

— E.C. Newman

#nick #nick-birch #phase #humor

Because that’s where I keep my Great Big Book of Manners by Emily Post and I want to beat you with it. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#humor

And in the fountain squatted a giant crab. I’m not talking ‘giant’ like $7.99 all-you-can-eat Alaskan king crab. I’m talking ‘giant’ like bigger than the fountain. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Make me proud today, Robmeister. Keep your hands to yourself and remember rule number one above all things.' 'Don't discuss politics.' 'No, the other one.' Robbie nods. 'Don't eat glue.' He drops his chin. 'It's my weakness. ↗

— Jenny B. Jones

#humor #politics #robbie #humor

The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. ↗

— David Mitchell

#humor #humor

Life makes fools of us all sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you know, it's our own expectations that crush us." -- from Skippy Dies ↗

— Paul Murray

#quotes #humor

Baptists: I'm a pious guy, but even I have my limits. I draw the line right around spending 8 hours in church every Sunday. Church should be a solemn 45 minutes to sit quietly and feel guilty, with donuts at the end to make you feel better. I don't go in for a full day of singing and dancing and rejoicing, no matter how nice the hats are. I prefer my Gospel monotonously droned to me from a pulpit, thank you very much. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#religion #humor