Stephen Colbert

Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#twitter

Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#twitter

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#science

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#twitter

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#twitter

There hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDACTED). ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#twitter

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#isolationism #political-philosophy #politics #humor

Agnostics are just atheists without balls. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#america

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty! ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#vegetarian #america

It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#fact