#hum

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #humor

I'm still convinced you're doing my GTO, you bastard. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

Sometimes women just need to cry. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#women #humor

You should have told her differently,' said Hermione, still with that maddeningly patient air. 'You should have said it was really annoying, but I'd made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and you really didn't want to go, you'd much rather spend the whole day with her, but unfortunately you thought you really ought to meet me and would she please, please come along with you, and hopefully you'd be able to get away more quickly? And it might have been a good idea to mention how ugly you think I am too,' Hermione added as an afterthought. 'But I don't think you're ugly,' said Harry, bemused. Hermione laughed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #order-of-the-phoenix #humor

Impressive vocabulary," Korbyn said. "I feel as though I should take notes." "I think she's making them up," Liyana said. "Half of them are not anatomically possible. ↗

— Sarah Beth Durst

#humor

Sidekick? Fuck you, porky. ↗

— Julie James

#insults #name-calling #humor

Sometimes I wonder if he has a philosophy. Maybe even a worldview. I'd like to sit down with him and pick his brain, just a tiny bit somewhere in the frontal lobe to get a taste of his thoughts. But he's too much of a toughguy to ever be that vulnerable. - R on M ↗

— Isaac Marion

#humor

If you're going to read minds, start with a simple one. ↗

— Richard Peck

#humor

Ever since her trip with Alexia to Scotland, Mrs. Tunstell had rather a taste for foreign travel. Alexia blamed it on the kilts. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#kilt #humor

Today I feel like I did tomorrow. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#comedy-humor #humor #humorist #humorous #humorous-quotes