#hum

I knew things like if you had fifty cents, and you stole a dollar from the slow kid, you had a dollar fifty ↗

— Mishna Wolff

#humor

Laugh at yourself once in a while; give yourself a break. ↗

— Greg Evans

#humor

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car ↗

— Judy Gold

#police #wisdom #humor

Gert: What... what just happened? Chase: I don't know, but guess who totally stole Cookie Monster's glasses! Gert: Whew, for a second there, I was worried we almost learned something. Chase: Ooo, look at me! I'm a big fluffy nerd! ↗

— Brian K. Vaughan

#humor #runaways #x-men #humor

Błogosławiony ten, co nie mając nic do powiedzenia, nie obleka tego faktu w słowa. ↗

— Julian Tuwim

#life #relationships #humor

When someone says "just saying" what they really mean is, "You would be a colossal idiot to not take my advice." (on Facebook) ↗

— Stephen Altrogge

#humor

You have to unhook your seat belt." "That's not true." "I'm afraid it's difficult to walk on the beach if you're strapped to a car seat. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#humor #humor

(Regarding check-cashing places): It's hitting me how poor this really is: I'm standing in a long line to pay someone to give me my pay. So, technically, they get paid before I do, and it's my damn check. ↗

— Angela Nissel

#cash #humor #money #poor #poor-people

It's not how you look, it's how you feel in the dark ↗

— Paula Wall

#humor

It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#humor #humor