#hum

I'm thinking there should be a dating site called "Tap That" - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy ↗

— E.J. Eisman

#humor #dating

Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier. ↗

— Caprice Crane

#humor #dating

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months ↗

— Josh Stern

#commercials-furniture #dating #store-humor #dating

I'm a door-to-door telemarketer. I knock on phone booths and trade numbers, then verify a customer's credit card when she calls for a date. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sales #telemarketing #dating

As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father? ↗

— Josh Stern

#daddy-issues #date #humor #dating

I'm a barrelful of hate! Come open me up! ↗

— Tony Millionaire

#humor

At best he read popular science magazines like the Scientific American he had now, to keep himself up-to-date, in layman's terms, with physics generally. But even then his concentration was marred, for a lifetime's habit made him inconveniently watchful for his own name. He saw it as if in bold. It could leap out at him from an unread double page of small print, and sometimes he could sense it coming before the page turn. ↗

— Ian Mcewan

#humor #ian-mcewan #physics #science #dating

She turned and smiled. “Kitchen-sink pasta.” “My favorite. But you really ought to come up with a better name for it than kitchen-sink pasta. Sounds only slightly more appealing than bathtub gefilte fish.” She shuddered. “Who in god’s name would make bathtub gefilte fish?” “I dated a Jewish girl whose grandmother made it,” I laughed. ↗

— Leesa Freeman

#humor #dating

I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #family #father #feet

A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively and inclusively agreeing not to date me, it's like the first time in human history a collective has ever fully agreed on something. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny