#hum

Baby?" She perched beside him in the chair. "You're kidding me right?" "I was trying it out, no?" "no," she said firmly Simon & Clary ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun. "I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you," Ranger said. "I found it in the cookie jar." "Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar." "Name one." "Rockford." Ranger grinned. "I stand corrected. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

There are more than enough to fight and oppose; why waste good time fighting the people you like? ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

I crushed on the most popular guy in school! I saw him at a concert and I shouted out," Is that Shane Lopes? You were the most popular guy in my class, but you never wanted to go out with me. Instead it was Amanda Wayne. What are you thinking now? ↗

— Katy Perry

#humor #love #humor

You have to tell him ‘go toodles, Bits, go toodles for momma,’” I said, pitching my voice high in imitation, “or else he won’t go.” Blane looked at me. “I’m not doing that,” he said flatly. “But then he’ll go on the bed,” I protested. “How about I just point my gun at him,” he deadpanned. ↗

— Tiffany A. Snow

#blane #humor #kathleen-turner #humor

I couldn’t have loved her more if she was my own child. But sometimes I considered shaving her eyebrows off while she slept. For the sake of developing her character. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humor

I'm sure that you psychotic necro-wannabes with delusions of godhood are all about sharing with your fellow maniacs. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

What a refreshing mind you have, young man. There really is nothing quite like total ignorance, is there? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#ignorance #irony #humor

Hurry," she breathed. Man, talk about pressure. He was supposed to get it up while demon hordes were trying to kill him, and Satan himself was knocking at the door. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor