#hum

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary ↗

— Richard Harkness

#humor

My mother read that parents should spend quality time with their children. One way is to sign up for organized activities together. This month we're taking meditation to free the mind. Last month it was Rolfing. Have you ever Rolfed, Tone?" "Only after the school's shepherd's pie," I said. ↗

— Julie Anne Peters

#humor #humor

Do you think that people ever really do believe they will die, that the world will just go along as always without them? I wonder if we aren't all a little surprised at the moment of crossover, if we don't look back over our shoulders saying, Now hold on. ↗

— Elizabeth Berg

#humor

Since when did you bring a gun?" Navidson asks, crouching near the door. "Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ↗

— Mark Z. Danielewski

#humor

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..." ... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#foaly #holly #humor #humor

Si la cursilería fuera un pecado, yo cada noche me ganaría el infierno. ↗

— Xavier Velasco

#cynicism #humor #humor

My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I'm sweet like the Jell-o, I get the job done, yes indeed-o. (clap-clap) ↗

— Judy Schachner

#humor #mexican #siamese-cats #skippyjon-jones #humor

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#myrnin #vampires #humor

Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous #people #humor

APD is primarily defined as a lack of empathy,' I said. I'd looked it up too, a few months ago. Empathy is what allows people to interpret emotion, the same way ears interpret sounds; without it you become emotionally deaf. 'It means I don't connect emotionally with other people. I wondered if he was going to pick that one.' 'How do you even know that?' she said. 'You're fifteen years old, for goodness' sake. You should be ... I don't know, chasing girls or playing video games.' 'You're telling a sociopath to chase girls? ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor #john-weaver #sociopath #humor