#hum

The man behind the check-in counter gives the impression that he has just axe-murdered the motel's owner (and family, and family pet) and is going through these procedures of hostelry so as not to arouse suspicion. ↗

— Paul Quarrington

#humour #murder #receptionists #family

I want everyone to throw sugar and cream at each other, then lie about it. I want to attend an ice cream antisocial. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #ice-cream #funny

That sounds terrific.Just you, your comatose wife, your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention your two kids might be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like the perfect family reunion ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#family

Bashere shrugged, grinning brhind his grey-streaked moustaches, "When I first slept in a saddle, Muad Cheade was Marshal-General. The man was as mad as a hare in spring thaw. Twice every day he searched his bodyservant for poison, and he drank nothing but vinegar and water which he claimed was sovereign against the poison the fellow fed him, but he ate everything the man prepared for as long as I knew him. Once he had a grove of oaks chopped down because they were looking at him. And then insisted they be given decent funerals; he gave the oration. Do you have any idea how long it takes to dig graves for twenty-three oak trees?" "Why didn't somebody do something? His Family?" "Those not as mad as him, or madder, were afraid to look at him sideways. Tenobia's father wouldn't have let anyone touch Cheade anyway. He might have been insane, but he could outgeneral anyone I ever saw. He never lost a battle. He never even came close to losing. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor #madness #family

If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child. ↗

— Linda Sunshine

#humor #family

Yes, she was a scandal. Her brother simply didn’t know it. “I fell in the Serpentine today.” “Yes, well, that doesn’t usually happen to women in London. But it’s not so much of a scandal as it is a challenge. ↗

— Sarah MacLean

#humor #love #scandal #family

I suppose I wanted to have my cake and eat it. But then again, what were you going to do with your cake if not eat it? Frame it? Use it as a sachet in your underwear drawer? ↗

— Marian Keyes

#humor #family

I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, "Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together" and make me finish in front of everyone. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#family

It wasn't a lie, not at all like one of those lies she told herself all the time, like This is the last drink of the evening, or I'm not going to set the bitch's house on fire. ↗

— Melissa de la Cruz

#family

Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#family