#hum

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so. The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer ↗

— Belle de Jour

#humor #humorous-quotes #funny

MRS. RASKINS: Slow dancing isn't about moving. It’s about body heat. LUKE: Was slow dancing invented to cure hypothermia? MRS. RASKINS: No, hypothermia was invented to give people an excuse to slow dance. LUKE: So that's what they did on polar expeditions. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hypothermia #funny

Being upright and uncompromising will lead to unemployment by themselves. But to be willfully ignorant of a calling in life as well, that is the denial of a born alcoholic. ↗

— Bauvard

#callings #denial #funny #humor #jobs

I prefer to have people read books for me and then summarize them in a few sentences. It’s the same as if I had read them myself, except it takes longer. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #reading #summarizing #funny

Speaking the French culture is so much easier on the palate than speaking the language. It makes you sophisticated to talk with your mouth full. ↗

— Bauvard

#french #funny #humor #funny

I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#funny #humor #tango #toy #funny

HUGH: What I want to know is, where do the Aussies get off thinking they’re tougher than cowboys? JESSICA: Cowboys fight men with guns. Aussies fight nature with knives. HUGH: Nature can be killed, sister. That is the difference. Its landscapes are reduced to photographic reproductions every day and its laws are destined to become outmoded paradigms. But human nature is immutable. ↗

— Bauvard

#cowboys #funny #humor #nature #funny

The number of fishermen today who go out on a boat with the intention of catching fish is very disenchanting. It degrades fishing into a hobby. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #hobbies #humor #funny

We're all headed for the junkyard. But not me. When that time comes, I'm crashing into the car dealership. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #junkyards #trash #funny

Hardly anything is made of wood anymore. Nature has provided us with far more durable materials. Carpentry is as obsolete as rainforests. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #nature #rainforests #wood