#hum

When we faced Mom, we saw she was addressing Max. "We get to know each other I'll get to hug you." "Mom!" I snapped and Mom turned to me. "I get to do it when he doesn't have a shirt on too. I'm calling it now," Mom declared. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humor

If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money. ↗

— J.R. Rain

#parenting #humor

I’m bored of this. I want to hear about you. Favorite color. Go.” I laugh. “Green.” “I’m green!” “Fuck yeah you are.” “Why are you laughing? Isn’t this what friends do?” “Interrogate each other?” “What? Uh, sure. I don’t know what that means. But yes. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#humor

Americans like what is easy, and it's easy to like pregnant women - they're like ducklings or bunnies or dogs. Still, it baffles me that these self-righteous, self-enthralled waddlers get such special treatment. As if it's so hard to spread your legs and let a man ejaculate between them. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#humor

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ↗

— John Green

#humor #leaving #paper-towns #pee #young-adult

You again,” she said, and she did not sound happy. “I know,” the warrior replied with a heartfelt sigh. “You’re so lucky to see me twice in one day. You’re honored by my presence, yada, yada, heard it all before. Let’s just move on, shall we. I don’t handle fawning very well. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #humor

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

Kenzie took two staggering steps backward, staring at the feeline as if in a daze. "O-kay," she breathed, shaking her head slightly. "A cat. A cat that talks. I'm going crazy." she glanced at me. " Or you slipped something into my drink at the tournament. One or the other. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#ethan-chase #grimalkin #humor #kenzie-st-james #humor

There is nothing harder to estimate than a writer's time, nothing harder to keep track of. There are moments—moments of sustained creation—when his time is fairly valuable; and there are hours and hours when a writer's time isn't worth the paper he is not writing anything on. ↗

— E.B. White

#humor #writers #writers-on-writing #writing #writing-life

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. ↗

— Sacha Baron Cohen

#love #relationships #sex #humor