#hum

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket

Hexen stehen immer zwischen Birken ↗

— Walter Moers

#horror #humor #humor

Dora appeared, placing Alex's coffee in front of him."Your girlfriend is a wonder, honey,"she siad to him, squeezing willows shoulder. Willow's smile turned strained at the word "girlfriend. He could see her wanting to correct the woman and then deciding to let it pass. ↗

— L.A. Weatherly

#humor

I suppose you're right about some perspectives. Just a few weeks ago, I thought you were a dickhead. ↗

— Mary E. Pearson

#humor

Vortexy. "Is that even a word?" I ask myself "You're talking to yourself, so who the hell cares?" I reply ↗

— Gayle Forman

#humor #humor

Forget him, he's just another red-shirted extra making a cameo appearance in our lives. ↗

— Adrian McKinty

#humor

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#losing #winning #humor

After all, moms were appreciated only on Mother's Day. That's why they invented it. So they could treat you like a household appliance the rest of the year. ↗

— Leslie Meier

#humor

You can't put something together again unless you've torn it apart first. ↗

— Steven Brust

#humor

The flowers like me back. ↗

— John H. Carroll

#flowers #humor #humor