#hum

You cant have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor

You're a punk?' 'What?' 'What do they call people from the eighties?' I asked. 'Oh,' she laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. 'I'm my mother, actually. I mean, these are her clothes from High School. I guess I should tell people I'm Cyndi Lauper though, or something, because dressing up as your mother is pretty lame.' 'I almost dressed up as my mother,' I said, 'but I was worried what my therapist would say.' She laughed again, and I realized that she thought I was joking. It was probably for the best, since telling her the second half of my mom costume - a giant fake butcher knife through the head - would probably freak her out. ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor #john-cleaver #morbid #beauty

ولا ازال، حتى هذه اللحظه، غير مدرك كيف تستشهد امرأه في آخر مراحل الثماله بأحاديث قدسية! ↗

— أثير عبدالله النشمي

#humor

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #mouth #humor

So Elizabeth, dare we take the dance floor again in hopes of repeating that splendid performance given by Lydia? ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #humor

Well I beat things around with my stick once in awhile. ↗

— Kira

#humor #humor

Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk. “Brennus.” “Alessa.” “Still think that you are the God’s gift to all faeries?” “Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?” Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair. ↗

— B.C. Morin

#sarcasm #humor

Newspapers are even worse for me than ice cream; headlines, and the big issues that generate the headlines, are pure fat. ↗

— John Irving

#humor

C'mon kid. Think a minute, even if it hurts. ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#humor

I couldn't help but see; I wasn't blind. I couldn't help but admire; I wasn't dead ↗

— Lori Handeland

#humor