#hum

He kissed me for a long moment, holding my shoulders, perhaps to keep me from pressing my whole body against his. Then he tried to lift my bag. "My God," he said. "What happened?" "I found out one may check out twenty books at a time from the school library. ↗

— Laura Whitcomb

#humor #kiss #laura-whitcomb #library #reading

I'm going to end up like one of those old weirdos who lives in a network of tunnels burrowed through trash - yet I do not fear this. ↗

— Will Self

#humor

Isabelle glanced back at them. "They're staring at you. Maybe their master died and they're looking for another vampire to own them. You could have pets." She grinned. "Or," Simon said ,"maybe they're here for the hash browns. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Why is it when you want the ground to swallow you whole, it decides to stop trying? -Ethon ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #humor

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes. ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor

No point making rules against things that are impossible. ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#humor

and, unlike the celebrated herd in the poem, they were not forty children conducting themselves as one, but every child was conducting itself like forty. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #humor

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise ↗

— John Cleese

#writing #humor

The dull people decided years and years ago, as everyone knows, that novel-writing was the lowest species of literary exertion, and that novel reading was a dangerous luxury and an utter waste of time. ↗

— Wilkie Collins

#humor #leisure #novels #reading #humor

you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!! ↗

— Bill Maher

#humor