#hum

I can last two months on a good compliment. ↗

— Mark Twain

#self-realization #humor

I dodged behind Mac for cover and refused to take the bait. I glanced at my nonexistent watch. 'Oops, look at the time. Guess I have to be going now. Let's not do this again sometime, okay?' Before I could move, Pritkin was there, jamming the medallion into the skin of my upper arm.'Ow!'He looked at me expectantly. I glared at him. 'That hurt!' What do you see?' A big red mark, ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

the one that can hurt you the most are the one that you really love ↗

— Salman Aditya

#inspirational #romance #humor

Sir Tucker,” I say suddenly, interrupting Angela. “Yeah?” “I believe the correct response is, ‘yes, Your Majesty, ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #humor

It was guarded by a few demons, but most of Set's forces were running towards our boat, screaming and throwing rocks (which tended to fall back down and hit them, but no one says demons are too bright) ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #set #humor

[A]s Agatha Swanburne once said, 'To be kept waiting is unfortunate, but to be kept waiting with nothing interesting to read is a tragedy of Greek proportions. ↗

— Maryrose Wood

#greek-tragedy #humor #reading #humor

Oh good Lord. She definitely hadn't put on enough deodorant for this. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Holy hypixia, Batman ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

Are you by any chance acquainted with the words 'steel toe'? Or do the words 'permanent dent' mean anything to you?" My locker door is not intimidated. "My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and if you try to dent me with a kick you will only tear some ligament that will never mend. ↗

— David Klass

#humor