#hum

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.'-Jace 'Just break the door down, will you?'-Clary ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #flirting #humor #jace-wayland #humor

Now stand in the corner, and think about what you've done! ↗

— Taylor Swift

#humor

Holly's theory about the army," Sharon explained. And what is it?" Denise asked, intrigued. Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#humor

Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood... ↗

— Douglas Adams

#ford-anyone #humor #humor

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant ↗

— Henry Miller

#sex #humor

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#humor

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flood #humor #ship #sink #titanic

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#real-life #humor

I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#robbery #humor

Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fred-weasley #humor #humor