#hum

WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham .com ↗

— Jeff Dunham

#humor

Narcissus turned and scowled at Leo. “Who are you?” “I’m the Super-sized McShizzle, man!” Leo said. “I’m Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#humor

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#humor #religion #humor

And make no mistake, my friend, your pointless life will end; but before you go, can you look at the truth? ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#science #humor

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #life #humor

I never know," Harry called to Hagrid over the noise of the cart, "what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?" "Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it," said Hagrid. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

The next time somebody announces that he plans to get Medieval on your ass, tell him you're going to get Renaissance on his gonads. ↗

— James K. Morrow

#humor #medieval #renaissance #humor