#hum

I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#robbery #humor

Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fred-weasley #humor #humor

Coach Hedge yelled,“Thar she blows! Kansas, ahoy!” “Holy Hephaestus,” Leo muttered. “He really needs to work on his shipspeak. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #kansas #leo-valdez #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Razo hopped back up and adopted a posture that said he was completely unruffled, never had been, and in fact was ready to do something manly like lift boulders or swallow live worms. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#star-wars #humor

There’s my baby!” I cried, quite carried away. “There’s my Poochiekins!” Ammit ran at me and leaped into my arms, nuzzling me with his rough snout. “My lord Osiris!” Disturber lost the bottom of his scroll again, which unraveled around his legs. “This is an outrage!” “Sadie,” Dad said firmly, “please do not refer to the Devourer of Souls as Poochiekins. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor

An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#humor

You just gotta tell her, man,’ I said. ‘You just gotta say, “Angela, I really like you, but there’s something you need to know: when we go to my house and hook up, we’ll be watched by the twenty-four hundred eyes of twelve hundred black Santas. ↗

— John Green

#humor