#hum

Fear causes the dog to bite and Roze was one bitch. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#humor #humor

The BALLPOINT PENGUINS, black and white, Do little else but write and write. Although they've nothing much to say, They write and write it anyway.... ↗

— Jack Prelutsky

#humor #poetry #humor

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything. ↗

— Meg Rosoff

#humor #humor

Six flights up I smelled it. Faint at first and then gradually stronger - the eye-watering stench of fermented sugar. I felt like I was walking into a distillery, and that clued me in as to who we were visiting. [...] I'm still waiting for some brave soul to start marketing Gremlin Piss Schnapps. ↗

— Kelly Meding

#humor #humor

Don't ask me when I first mastered the obvious. ↗

— John Burdett

#humor

Sleep with one eye open and one hand on the jewels. ↗

— Madelaine Montague

#humor

Rachel had decided he WAS handsome during their hike to the camp. Though the way he kept telling her to speak more quietly or to look where she was going was annoying. By the time they finally got there, she was beginning to think his looks were his only good attribute. ↗

— Teri Hall

#looks #teri-hall #the-line #humor

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#christmas #humor #humor

Just remember, we're all in this alone. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor #quote #silly #humor

I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallion and his eventual return to the pages of Wuthering Heights. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #wuthering-heights #humor