#hum

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings ↗

— Evan Esar

#humor #zoo #humor

Nobody likes me,” he concluded at the tail end of a ten-minute pity fest. “Can’t imagine why,” Quinn murmured. I turned my snort of laughter into a fake cough, which was an embarrassingly feeble attempt at subterfuge when you consider the fact that I didn’t have any lungs. ↗

— Robin Wasserman

#humor

I happen to have a certain fondness for existing--soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex...well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is. ↗

— Jhonen Vasquez

#art

For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls. ↗

— Antony John

#humor #pride #humor

This country would get along much better if people learned how to suffer in silence. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

Don't listen to writers. They're messed up - that's why they're writers! ↗

— Chocolate Waters

#writing #humor

Children in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor #humor

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#dark-humor #dragons #morality #humor

Do you have anything to declare?' the statue asked me. 'Yes. I do have something to declare.' I said. 'I declare this is [dumb] ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

It's only hard until it becomes easy. ↗

— David A. Smith

#wisdom #humor