#hum

I can smell the smoke now. I can see tendrils of it comin' up between the cracks in the shrikin' floorboards. There she is, calmly taking down the framed examples of fine embroideries, samplers, and needlework from teh hallway wall and tucking them under her arm. "Mistress! Come on! You've got to leave!" She calmly turns and faces me. "Why?" she asks. "The British are coming?" "Only one, Mistress," I say ↗

— L.A. Meyer

#british #humor #pirates #humor

You're a terrible cook, Daniel." "I know," he replied, "But it's the effort that counts." "I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning... ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor

Girls at war opt for a quieter cruelty than fistfights and drive-by shootings. Girls circumvent the corporeal and go straight for each other's souls. The bleeding is harder to stanch. ↗

— Jillian Lauren

#humor #war #humor

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#blacksmith #clothing #humor #war #humor

Mr. Dallstrom is a bald, scarecrow of a man with a poochy stomache. Think of a pregnant Abraham Lincoln. ↗

— Richard Paul Evans

#humor

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. Well, at least six or seven, anyway, because a thousand thoughts are a lot. Try counting your own thoughts and see how long it takes you to get to a thousand. ↗

— Linda Howard

#humor

You must be mistaking me for someone else with silver hair. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#humor #silver #humor

That's your mom, right?" Pathik smiled. "She looks nicer than she did when she was dragging you away the other night. ↗

— Teri Hall

#mothers #pathik #teri-hall #the-line #humor

on why he writes the things he writes: "Because I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk. ↗

— Stephen King

#on-writing #storytelling #humor