#hum

Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away! ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#inspirational #success #humor

A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others. ↗

— Robert E. Lee

#feels #help #himself #honor #humbled

Man is a centaur, a tangle of flesh and mind, divine inspiration and dust. ↗

— Primo Levi

#inspirational

I suppose I knew on an intellectual level that graves weren't especially made for getting out of. I mean, you start with a hermetically sealed casket and then you dump six feet of dirt on top of it. Over time the earth gets compacted, which can't make it easy to dig through. So even if you're a very angry and determined zombie, you've kind of got your work cut out for you just escaping from the grave. Which was, I suppose, why we got hit with an initial wave of zombie bugs, birds and rodents. I bet some people would say if you've never picked undead mosquitoes out of your teeth, you've never lived. Under that definition, I'd be just as happy to have not lived, thanks. ↗

— C.E. Murphy

#zombies #humor

Did I hear your correctly, my dear?" Ahan asked with a shaky voice. "You're going to go into Elantris?" "Yes." Sarene said. "I need something to drink," Ahan decided, unstoppering his wine flask. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

I never got to see a proper striptease. Not anything even remotely close. I was stupid and went to literary cafés and spent my time on artistic nonsense instead. Now it is too late. I am old and blind. I must content myself with hearing the garments fall. I dictated this. ↗

— Tor Ulven

#resignation #wasted-youth #humor

You’re a good kid. If you’d work on your pain-in-the-ass tendencies, you’d be real nice.” “Too bad that isn’t going to happen anytime soon,” he muttered. “Real nice doesn’t get you very far.” “Real nice can keep you from getting beat up,” I said. He smiled. “Right. Maybe we should both work on it, then. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

The raging burning pain was excruciating, causing me to throw up. I did however manage to remain conscious. Yay me! ↗

— P.A. Lupton

#humor

Will, you look like hell!" I yelled through the glass door. "I can't say how you look," he said. "But if you look like you sound, you look like a jerk. Please help me. ↗

— Alex Flinn

#humor #humor

I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby. ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor