#hum

If I were a superhero, I’d be Honesty Man. I’d be so transparent I’d be invisible.
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— Jarod Kintz

#honesty #humor #invisible #super-hero #transparent

[Tyson] looked him over with that massive baby-brown eye. “You are not dead. I like it when you are not dead.” Ella fluttered to the ground and began preening her feathers. “Ella found a dog,” she announced. “A large dog. And a Cyclops.” Was she blushing? Before Percy could decide, his black mastiff pounced on him, knocking Percy to the ground and barking so loudly that even Arion backed up. “Hey, Mrs. O'Leary,” Percy said. “Yeah, I love you, too, girl. Good dog.” Hazel squeaked. “You have a hellhound named Mrs. O'Leary?” “Long story. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#hazel-levesque #heroes-of-olympus #humor #mrs-o-leary #percy-jackson-and-te-olympians

We've all got our own brand of crazy. ↗

— Meg Mitchell Moore

#nature

You're the man who stands on the street corner with a roll of toilet paper, and written on each square are the words, 'I love you.' And each passer-by, no matter who, gets a square all his or her own. I don't want my square of toilet paper.' I didn't realize it was toilet paper. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#love #vonnegut #love

He had then warned his daughter not to violate the Eleventh Commandment. "Which one is that?" I asked her. "Do not bullshit thy father," she said. ↗

— Erich Segal

#humour #love

In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead. ↗

— B. Justin Shier

#humour #funny

Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That’s kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it’s living human tissue, and instead of playing, I’m fucking working, and instead of fun, it’s fucking not fun, it’s serious. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#funny #humor #funny

She stopped and looked at him when she heard a low growl. "You've kissed someone?" Sally tried to hold back the snort of laughter that bubble out. "Of course. I'm eighteen, Costin. Only having kissed one guy by eighteen is pretty darn conservative." "I don't want to know about this guy," Costin frowned. "He won't hold a candle to my kisses anyway. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#humour #kisses #love #sally #love

How can anybody say they know how I feel? The only one around here who is me, is ME. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

How I ever could have thought he was boring or easy was beyond me’ (Daisy, 'Friendship on Fire', p. 471). ↗

— Danielle Weiler

#friendship