#hum

Yesterday I typed Agatha a love letter, and I typed it on a Dvorak keyboard so my typing could keep pace with my elevated heart rate. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love-letter #humor

Men exist because a vibrator can't fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card... ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s ALWAYS had EVERYTHING work out for them with ZERO struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist. ↗

— Chris Hardwick

#humor #life #nerdist #success #humor

You mean a bad heel?" I said. "Couldn't I just, like, wear something besides sandals? No offense." -Percy ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

The process of learning is a nonstop orgy of wonderment. ↗

— Lev Grossman

#humor

It stands to reason that anyone who learns to live well will die well. The skills are the same: being present in the moment, and humble, and brave, and keeping a sense of humor. (361) ↗

— Victoria Moran

#dying #humility #humor #living #mindfulness

In the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser... ↗

— Deb Caletti

#humor

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. ↗

— George F. Will

#humor #humor

You need to stop thinking with your head, Mud Boy, and start thinking with your heart.” Artemis sighed. The heart was an organ for pumping oxygen-rich blood to the cells. It could no more think than an apple could tap-dance. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#love #mulch #humor