#hum

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German. ↗

— George Carlin

#history #humor #satire #school #uniform

If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words ↗

— Dolly Parton

#humor #music #humor

How did you get out of the suicide door?" Her disbelief was a living, pettable thing. "Magic." Her eyes narrowed. "There is no magic." "Maybe not for you. But I'm from out of town. ↗

— Dia Reeves

#dia-reeves #humor #humor

As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn’t understand all of it, but he got son of a gorgon, power-hungry snake, and a few choice suggestions about where Octavian could stick his knife. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#hazel-levesque #humor #insults #octavian #percy-jackson

I can’t believe how much this place has grown,” Hazel muttered. The taxi driver grinned in the rearview mirror. “Been a long time since you visited, miss?” “About seventy years,” Hazel said. The driver slid the glass partition closed and drove on in silence. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #taxi-driver #the-heroes-of-olympus #the-son-of-neptune

Dios," he said, addressing himself to Jace. "What happened to you, brother? You look as if a pack of wolves tried to tear you apart." "That's either a shockingly good guess," said Jace, "or you heard about what happened. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #raphael #humor

Love of sugar had to mean true love. It just had to. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#love #humor

It was like the Secret Garden. Of dead people. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#humor

The sight of his bare chest had stolen every digit of her IQ. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#humor

I also have a brand-new prescription for gunfire jitters: When the shooting gets loud, proceed to the nearest wooden staircase. Run up and down a few times, making sure to stumble at least once. What with the scratches and the noise of running and falling, you won't even be able to hear the shooting, much less worry about it. Yours truly has put this magic formula to use, with great success! ↗

— Anne Frank

#humor