#hum

We are not really spying, we're just satisfying our curiosity. ↗

— Paul Christopher

#humor

Writing is my life. Life is my hobby. ↗

— Emma Lai

#writing-life #humor

They should let my son be Federal Reserve chairman. At least he'll play with his toys and not ruin the economy. ↗

— Peter D. Schiff

#humor

The horse jumped over the fucking fence. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

Time waits for no ovary. ↗

— Gretchen Rubin

#humor

You will have your duty in the bedchamber. Now, Emily, I warn you it will not be pleasant. It will hurt, and be rather messy. You must lie back and do as your husband tells you, and it will soon be over.” “Mama!” Emily groaned. “I don‟t really need to know—” “No, Emily, let me finish. There are ways to make it easier. I used to close my eyes and plan a party. ↗

— Amanda McCabe

#humor

You can't just fly into the Great Coat, shoot your way into Bluewater, and take Kai and his father,' I told him. 'Why not?' 'Cause you can't. They'll killl you, for one thing.' Ulysses scratched his beard. 'Hmm. Need a better plan. ↗

— Cameron Stracher

#use-ur-head #humor

You okay in there?" "No, I'm hanging from a closet rod. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid ↗

— Steve Aylett

#humor

What are you doing?” “What does it look like? I’m getting down on my knees.” His head butted against her stomach. Her muscles clenched, shocked at the touch, even through the layer of cotton. “I’ve never begged a woman for anything before. Enjoy this.” She tried to think of something sufficiently sassy. “Enjoy it? I can’t even see it.” “It’s symbolic. ↗

— Alisha Rai

#humor #romance #forgiveness