#hum

Well, thanks for not shooting anyone, I guess", said Marcus. "My contribution was to somehow refrain from peeing myself. You can thank me later. ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor

You're right, he's a killer," you said. "A rooster with some serious issues. ↗

— Lucy Christopher

#killer #rooster #humor

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea. ↗

— Jessica Simpson

#stupid #humor

I've always been interested in the relationship between total external surround, culture, the political matrix, technology, etc., and the internal human consciousness. ↗

— Norman Spinrad

#been #between #consciousness #culture #etc

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO! Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GET THAT MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM PLAYING WITH PEOPLES' LIVES?! Shigure: Well, yes, now that you mention it, I do--BUT THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! Kyo: Man, your persuasion skills SUCK! Tohru: Um, welcome home. Dinner's- Kyo: NOT HUNGRY! Shigure: KYO! DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON TOHRU! And come back to the entrance hall this instant and take those shoes off! Yuki: He's right, Shigure. You really do suck at persuasion. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#persuasion #humor

Bite me, Harry Potter. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

I'm trying to make some sense out of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason," and I think I've figured out what the reason is - to pissed me off. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#humor

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at Camp Half-Blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the Ping-Pong table in the rec room with crackers and Cheez Whiz, so Percy felt right at home. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena #war-council

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #reading #humor