#hum

Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage. ↗

— Pat Conroy

#poetry #writing #humor

Helen savored the peace and quiet that only came in the complete absence of stupid questions. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor

Monty Python: A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain. ↗

— Frank Portman

#monty-python #humor

May your balls rot like fruit in the sun, and your manhood wither at the root! ↗

— Elizabeth Vaughan

#humor

Throughout the course of the day, Bobby Tom's irritation over his artificially oiled and dirt-smeared chest and his unzipped jeans had flared into righteous indignation. They were treating him like a sex object! It was damned demeaning, that's what it was, being reduced to a set of oil pecs and a tight ass. Shit. A dozen years in the NFL, and this was what it had all come down to. Pecs and ass. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#men #sex-symbol #humor

You think he has some bomb defusing MacGyver contraption cooked up that involves lube, condoms, and a paper clip? ↗

— Stephani Hecht

#humor #sex #humor

Her chances of a decent marriage were about to be dashed-and all because of a ferret. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #marriage #poppy #spinster #humor

No,' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton ↗

— Bryan Davis

#humor #humor

Those men want to take Laurence from me, and put him in prison, and execute him, and I will not let them, ever, and I do not care if Laurence tells me not to squash you," he added, fiercely, to Lord Barham. — Temeraire ↗

— Naomi Novik

#humor #humor

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim. ↗

— Lyndon B. Johnson

#humor