#hum

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor

But if there's one thing I've learned in life it's this: assume makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

I never understood why you would ever feel the need to shoot the fish in the barrel. I mean, they're in a barrel, you've already caught them. The hard work's done, they can't escape. So if you want them dead, just drain the water out. Why bring guns into it? ↗

— Craig Silvey

#humor #redundancy #humor

Boo: "Go talk to her." Callum: "About what?" Boo: "Anything." Callum: "You want me to walk up to her and say, 'Are you a ghost?'" Boo: "I do that." Callum: "I love it when you get it wrong. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#callum #ghosts #humor #humor

You're judging her by her literacy,' Tara says. 'You're a literacist.' 'You've made that up.' Thomas Mackee packs up his stuff and stands up. 'You chicks give me the shits,' he says. 'You, on the other hand, brighten up our day,' I tell him. 'We all regard you as a god. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor

You’re not useless. You’re a hunky bite of sex and I’m not sure if Dmitri swings both ways. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

I nodded, disappointed, but then I got an idea. "Hey, Grover. You want a magic item?" His eyes lit up. "Me?" Pretty soon we'd laced the sneakers over his fake feet, and the world's first flying goat boy was ready for launch. "Maia!" he shouted. He got off the ground okay, but then fell over sideways so his backpack dragged through the grass. The winged shoes kept bucking up and down like tiny broncos. "Practice," Chiron called after him. "You just need practice!" "Aaaaa!" Grover went flying sideways down the hill like a possessed lawn mower, heading toward the van. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #launch #humor

Those are some of the most powerful people in the world, and you swamped them in sewage! If you had real friends, they'd have told you that you're an idiot for even thinking about doing that!" Tom bristled, indignant. "My friends do tell me I'm an idiot. All the time! ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

Finally I knelt on the bed and placed my hand on his back. I patted awkwardly, hoping that was protocol for when someone was sobbing their eyes out. "hey." pat, pat. "It's okay. We'll bust out of here before they tag us." pat, pat, pat. I felt lame ↗

— Elana Johnson

#humor

I'm working from the assumption it's going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we're calling it a win." Merit/Jonah ↗

— Chloe Neill

#sarcasm #humor