#hum

I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed. ↗

— Victoria Schwab

#thinking #humor

Listen closely...this is the most important thing you need to know while you're here. Do not eat the haddock. They've been overcooking it terribly. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor

We were eating lunch when a chicken walked out of the woods. “Anna, look behind you.” She turned around. “What the heck?” We watched as the chicken came closer. It pecked the ground, not in any kind of hurry. “There was one more after all,” I said. “Yeah, the stupid one,” Anna pointed out. “Although it’s the last one standing, so it’s done something right.” It came right up to Anna and she said, “Oh, hi. Do you not know what we did to the rest of your kind? ↗

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

#humor

CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe. ↗

— Jen Campbell

#humor

Everyone was going crazy, like they’d just witnessed the birth of Jesus and the invention of electricity at the same time. Jude was a rock star, their savior, and they were paying him homage. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#idol #popularity #rock-star #humor

Why did I even think that girl would help? So…I need her. Why?! Why her? What is it that makes her so different, so calming, so…So, Goddamn MINE! - Christopher Mason ↗

— Sadie Grubor

#romance #humor

Ever heard of knocking, asshole?" I spat, not bothering to look at him. "Ever heard of locking the door, whore?" Turning, I glared at him and slammed the door in his face, locking it. Smirking, he yanked the door back open. "Oh I guess I forgot to mention that the lock is broken." - Christopher Mason & Mia Ryder ↗

— Sadie Grubor

#romance #humor

When you look back on this moment months from now, don't forget the one word I'm about to say to you, Claire Deveraux. Foreplay. ↗

— Georgia Cates

#humor #jessie #humor

That's all you need? Easy. I love you.Okay? Want it louder?I love you. Spell it out schould I l-o-v-e y-o-u. Want it backwards You love I. ↗

— William Goldman

#humor

Do you prefer to be called Richard or Dick?” “Ric.” “Dick? I'll make a note of that on your file.” I spoke aloud as I wrote. “Patient prefers to be called Dick. ↗

— Zathyn Priest

#humor #funny