#hum

Sociopath was really just a politically correct way to say "the devil". ↗

— Jack Pendarvis

#humor

I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#politics #humor

A bird in the hand was worth two in the bush, he told her, to which she retorted that a proverb was the last refuge of the mentally destitute. ↗

— W. Somerset Maugham

#proverb #proverbs #humor

Why, did you know that if a beaver two feet long with a tail a foot and a half long can build a dam twelve feet high and six feet wide in two days, all you would need to build Boulder Dam is a beaver sixty-eight feet long with a fifty-one-foot tail?" "Where would you find a beaver that big?" grumbled the Humbug as his pencil point snapped. "I'm sure I don't know," he replied, "but if you did, you'd certainly know what to do with him. ↗

— Norton Juster

#humor

I hate to say it, but it can’t be much of a dark conspiracy if a trio of first-year shlubs like us have worked it all out. ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#humor

So basically your plan is to flail about helplessly. ↗

— Harlan Coben

#humor

There are no great fanfares for the truly great moments of your life. Just dripping taps and the sound of your own footsteps, walking from one room into another ↗

— Kathleen Tessaro

#life #humor

And so Harry became proficient in the task of cleaning up vomit. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #skills #humor

Tears are scientifically described as a Secretion. I can understand that a secretion may be healthy or unhealthy, but I cannot see the interest of a secretion from a sentimental point of view. ↗

— Wilkie Collins

#humor

DCI Horner's advice to Jack Spratt: "Remember, m'boy," his old boss had said, eyes twinkling, "that if anyone tries to get the better of you, stand up straight and say to yourself in an imperious air, 'I am the new Mrs. de Winter now!' You'll find it works wonders. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor