#hum

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #humor

Since Dominic's been sleeping with me, the mice have been trying various labels on him, looking for one that fits. My personal favorite was the week they spent calling him "the God of Absolutely Never Smiling, No, Not Ever. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#humor

Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste. ↗

— Steve Weinburg

#humor

Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it. ↗

— Brian Jacques

#humor #magic #squire-julian #warrior #humor

The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening. ↗

— Addison Moore

#skyla #humor

No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget. ↗

— Kaza Kingsley

#present #time #humor

The End of the Raven "On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for. Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven, Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door. 'Raven's very tasty,' thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor. 'There is nothing I like more.' [...] Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -- 'Nevermore.' While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up, Then I crouched and quickly leapt up, pouncing on the feathered bore. Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -- Only this and not much more. ↗

— Henry N. Beard

#edgar-allan-poe #humor #raven #humor

Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts. ↗

— Helen Stringer

#graveyards #humor #humor

It must've been Albert's military background, because man, when he dropped a bomb the entire country shook. I was still jittery as a hurricane survivor in New Orleans, and I was sure that somewhere in Alaska some poor Inuit had just taken a tumble from his sled for the very same reason. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

Magnanimous of you.' His mouth twitched. 'Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.' He'd made the last three words sound like an innuendo. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#humorous #humor