#hum

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know," Simon was getting fed up. "Look, did you actually ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I'm something in a petrie dish? Next time I'll send you a photo." "And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," Jace said, but he didn't sound as if his heart was in the sarcasm. "Look, I asked you here for a reason, not to stare at you. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common." "Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #simon-lewis #humor

Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #management #humor

Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #romance #seduction #humor

Sit, Phantom!" Ivy cooed. "On your bottom!" "Oh, for goodness' sake!" Gabriel put down his book and pointed a longer finger at Phantom. "Sit," he commanded in a deep voice. Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor. Ivy scowled in frustration. "I've been trying to get him to do that all day! What is it with dogs and male authority? ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor

He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #humor

I am not sure I trust you." "You can trust me with your life, My King." "But not with my wine, obviously. Give it back. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor #wine #humor

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor

In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude. ↗

— Susan Ee

#humor