#hum

Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..." "Or we'll die?" I guessed. "Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes." "Let's avoid the swords," I decided. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #poison #shrivel #swords #humor

(Media question to Beatles during first U.S. tour 1964) "How do you find America?" "Turn left at Greenland. ↗

— Ringo Starr

#beatles #geography #greenland #humor #media

Nobody's ever asked me to a party before, as a friend. Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#party #humor

I said hello to the poodle. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#mythology #pets #humor

This is very important -- to take leisure time. Pace is the essence. Without stopping entirely and doing nothing at all for great periods, you're gonna lose everything...just to do nothing at all, very, very important. And how many people do this in modern society? Very few. That's why they're all totally mad, frustrated, angry and hateful. ↗

— Charles Bukowski

#humor

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#superstition #humor

Alas! Earwax! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose-hathaway #humor

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...] ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#politeness #humor

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor